St. Phyllis of Portland 4042
St Phyllis of Portland Radio Play
By Michael McKenna
Narrator: If Phyllis Thaxter weren't on METV every other night,
you'd never hear the tale I'm about to tell. Ironically, she insisted on
calling herself the plainest heroine in Hollywood.
I was watching Perry Mason from my couch and fell asleep. No
wonder, those scripts can be dull. It went off the air at 11:30pm. When I
awoke, my eyesight was blurry and the tv screen was more or less a glare.
Through these conditions Phyllis Thaxter appeared on my tv set, in an Alfred
Hitchcock episode, I took notice of the halo I seemed to see around her.
In the morning I went online to learn about her. Born in
Portland, Maine to a town that would look like any in the upper Midwest if
they possessed a fleet of lobster boats on an icy blue harbor.
This fact lent itself to her speech. She couldn’t betray it on
TV. To a Midwestern ear, her diction was perfectly annunciated, unlike those
old lobster fishermen she must have understood perfectly. Her voice was made,
not adapted for Broadway and Hollywood, She did not need to raise her voice to
be heard.
My tale tonight may seem outrageous, sound outlandish and all
around strange, but such is modern life. Do fish that ply the chilly waters off
the coast of Portland think the water is strange?
My name is Brian, I’m 61 in 2026, a retired clerk from the City
Colleges. Unlike many City College employees, I worked for a Public TV Station
licensed there.
It was a good job, I fell under the radar of avoided alot of
otherwise prying middle management who would have liked nothing better then to
observe me and discuss me in their weekly meetings.
The next morning I easily discovered the Phyllis Thaxter
Museum* online rather easily. The museum is Headquartered in the cottage on
Cushing Island where Phyllis spent many a summer from 1962 to the late 1990’s.
I dialed the 1-800 number I found and a recorded voice
answered.
"Hello
this is Phyllis, thank you so much for calling," she said.
The Cushing Island “cabin” is actually closer to a two story
mansion. The physical cottage on Cushing was the one property between Beverly
Hills, Cumberland and Vero Beach that Sky Aubrey (her daughter) could not
merely sell and dissolve upon her mom's passing in 2012.
It held too many memories, between the structure itself, the
beach and the well-maintained forested trails, Cushing was too close to the
real loves Phyllis knew on earth.
Cushing Island was where she retreated to when she needed a
break from all the kindness and politeness she offered an indifferent mean
world.
"This
is Phyllis, may I help you?" The voice repeated when I didn’t say
anything.
That voice sounded just like Phyllis Thaxter would have sounded
in the late 1940's, a mixture of poise, proper Broadway and all the charm of a
Hollywood star on the rise.
"Hello?"
the voice repeated upon not hearing an answer. I got over my surprise and
disbelief at modern technology.
"Oh hello," I blurted out. Phyllis instinctively
sought to reassure this caller as the real Phyllis Thaxter would have. Her
nature was to return fear with kindness and show true Christian empathy.
"Well, so nice of
you to call, you've reached the Phyllis Thaxter Museum on Cushing Island. This
cottage was built in 1884. It's been an absolute favorite haunt of mine since
then when I can remember!
The beach is closeby but
in case you're here to learn more about my life, there is a museum on the first
floor and tours are conducted on the hour every hour. The entrance fee is $9.00
for adults and free for children under 7. There is a restaurant, Granny's, next
door as there has been since 1935. They still serve the best chowder I ever
had!"
I slouched back in my seat in Chicago, a thousand miles from
Cushing Island but the impossible to dismiss “invitation” had been made. I
called a travel agent at once.
II
Things changed dramatically for me after the first phone call
with Phyllis’ automated voice.
This is not a play about AI. At first it was not what Phyllis
said but how she spoke, addressing me by name after I told “her” who I was.
Her instructions, what she said, only directed me to buy cheap
ferry rides and cheap tickets to get into her museum, the amazing phenomenon
was HOW her voice sounded, so real so true to her New England accent and rich
from years learning the full inventory of theater skills in nearby Montreal.
This is a play about THAT VOICE that sounded almost exactly as I
heard on the Alfred Hitchcock hour the night before, then Wagon Train where
Phyllis nearly brought me to tears as Vivian Carter.
Then the Fugitive where her role seemed so effortless to play.
I should update the reader about the months before I first
called the Thaxter museum.
I had a separate bank account and for weeks and months I’d been
putting $100 here $200 there “into a jar” to buy a Crown for a sore tooth
(my insurance wouldn’t cover it) and that’s when I saw a signed
photo of Phyllis available online at the online museum shop for just
$499.00.
I had to have it
3 weeks later the package arrived.
I had a special frame for it by then. The day it arrived my
tooth ache went away .
I knew what it was at once, shipped from Tijuana Mexico with a
Hollywood photographer’s return address.
I called the Museum at once.
“Brian,”
Phyllis’ said, “I’m so
glad you called! this is Phyllis”
I began to ask less standard questions now.
Not just when were the bookstore hours but for example,
“Why did you turn your back on Hollywood and return to humble
Maine?”
“It was a
mysterious move Brian wasn’t it …but then we’re all rather mysterious aren’t
we?” Phyllis’ voice replied.
I guess I had a dozen or so more questions for Phyllis. She took
her time answering each one. It frightened me when I realized I forgot I was
talking to AI, for so patient was she answering me and she answered them all
like a real person, like the real Phyllis Thaxter.
When I asked if she’d have been as big a star as Ingrid Bergman
if Polio did not strike in 1952 she laughed the same laugh I heard in Wagon
Train and said, “Brian,
you know as much about me as my second husband whom I loved so…”
My second husband Gil was
much more comfortable on the East Coast and by 1962 I was rarely in Hollywood.
We fell in love at first…oh but Brian you don’t want to know all this do you?” Phyllis said mirthfully, as if to shield my
feelings. She had to know I had fallen in love with her by this point.
“As for
Ingrid Bergman, she…” and Phyllis realized she would be guilty of gossip
and stopped herself, I
only had two men in my life….well maybe now 3…”
“Three?” I said with a lump in my throat dispensing all my disbelief.
“More than most”, I said “I’m familiar with the agony of not
being loved back by one I love.”
“Today,” Phyllis said into my ear …” all that is changed Brian”
Phyllis said.
“You take
such an interest in me, and I’m much older than you,” Phyllis said.
“Not that much older, just 45 years…”
Phyllis burst into a laugh. “Well its getting late Brian, I better be going…”
“Ok,” I said with sheer joy, “I’ll call you again.”
“I hope you do…” Phyllis said.
We hung up.
The travel agent in Chicago confirmed me at $4,999 for
airfare, rental and lodging in Portland from June __ to June __ and all tickets
to the Phyllis St Felix Thaxter museum in Cumberland and Cushing Island plus
tickets to the Phyllis Schuyler Thaxter theater in South Portland.
With the earpiece still warm in my ear, I gave the agent the
details of my credit card.
In just two days I’d be in Portland Maine.
Meanwhile, tonight I’m confined by the charms of a woman named
Phyllis Thaxter or by AI?
A woman otherwise long passed on to a better world these last 14
years? Or modern technology?
In three days I owed the “minimum” on my credit card,
3,019 dollars, but for 40 dollars the illusion continues.
I refused to think about that…
III
After an uneventful flight from O’Hare to LaGuardia, and
then a turbo pop up to Portland I arrived at the Portland airport
“international” because there were some flights to Quebec a few hours away.
After settling into my hotel room, I realized I had a few hours
of daylight left and I thought I’d explore the town that produced Phyllis Saint
Felix Thaxter
As a journalist by trade, I thought I would conduct an
informal survey and see if I could find Portlanders who heard of Phyllis or
potentially even knew her.
So I went to the environment where she grew up, 319
Danforth in the still fashionable West End of Portland all these 100 years
later.
There are no parks in the modern for its time street grid by
Danforth street but it’s not far from the beach and on this hot sunny day
that’s where many people were.
In fact there was a wheelchair access so people of all ages
could gather there and amidst the sound (FX here) of seagulls and the waves I
met some native Portlanders and canvassed the crowd with my questions about
their most famous resident.
Many had never heard of her because she passed away in
2012 in Florida and had not been to Portland since the late 1990s but a group
of older people on an excursion from the nursing home had.
To a person they all vouched for Phyllis’s character and how
practical, realistic, unpretentious, and easy to relate to she was in real
life.
Older Portland
female accent
“Not just
for a Hollywood starlet” they were quick to posit. “She herself always said in
Hollywood she may as well never worn makeup- that’s how plain she felt there…”
One woman who was in her 90s and knew Phyllis in person told me
if Phyllis knew I was out here conducting the survey she would turn red. She
was that unaware of her charm.
Older Portland
female accent
“Oh here in
Portland she could even be glamorous among us pale lobster eaters, but she
always said she should have only done one picture in Hollywood and returned to
her beloved Maine.”
I went back to my hotel room that night and had dinner and left my
windows wide open to hear the ocean and let my room fill with fresh Atlantic
air right off the beach.
I fell into a deep sleep, the first good sleep I had since I
woke up to see Phyllis on my television screen back in Chicago in the Alfred
Hitchcock hour. Tomorrow I would stand at the doorway of the home. She grew up
in a colonial revival mansion at 319 Danforth and for just nine dollars be
allowed to go inside to see for myself the first world she knew.. for a $14
ferry ride and another nine dollars … I’d try and also visit the Cushing Island
home where I would see the very structure where she spent every summer from
1962 to 1999.
IV
My second full day in Sunny Portland, Maine, I decided to walk
by Phyllis’s childhood home on Danforth Street and then it got me to wondering
where did she go to grammar school? Of course AI knew the answer and before I
knew it I was striding up Danforth and made a right on Emery street on my way
to Butler school 7 minutes away.
It’s an apartment complex today. Opened as a school in
1879 It closed in 1973.. The walk was beautiful passing by elegant and modest
old homes on very leafy tree lined streets. It was easy to imagine Phyllis
making the same walk to fourth fifth or sixth grade in the 1920s. The school
itself was old 19th century structure which is currently used for apartments
that rent at 2300 a month.
As I walked up Emery Street, towards Pine
I saw an uneven sidewalk, I imagined 10 year old Phyllis falling
down here and skinning her knee under her long skirt . without a frown, picking
herself up and her books and continuing on her way.
She could’ve said “my mom‘s a big shot on stage in Montreal my
dad‘s the judge for the whole state of Maine” and demanded a limo take
her to school from that point on but that’s not who Phyllis Thaxter would
ever be! She was someone who overcomes who rises above, who is stoic, and
without complaint, and that was the tone for the rest of her life.
Now I knew what I had to do, even though it was June and Casco
bay would be icy cold I knew I had to swim out in the direction of Cushing
Island. I once swam in Lake Superior, I’d be ok.
Find a lake they said find an inland stream do not plunge into
the ocean. It’s the same temperature as it was in March and I said “sorry I
have to do this. And sarcastically I thought
“I hope I don’t end up in Maine general Hospital in the West End
like Phyllis did (but really I wanted to experience anything she went
through)….and they said “no no no don’t do it.”
V
I went back to my hotel and I got my swim trunks and I headed for
the beach
Casco Bay was colder than they even warned me of.
All my blood rushed to the core of my body to keep me warm. If I
stayed in another few minutes, hypothermia would set in.
I heard Phyllis’s voice as I took one
last plunge. She said “Brian,
I want you to get out of that water. I don’t want anything bad to happen to
you” I realized then and there, it was dangerous to be by myself, and I
clambered out of the water and back onto the beach. Phyllis saved my
life.
An hour later, I was handing my credit card to the clerk at the
Phyllis Thaxter museum. I had t-shirts, coffee mugs, yearbooks, photo albums,
Broadway playbills, Hollywood posters, Rawhide beer mugs, a twilight zone board
game, you name it …the total on my card was so worth it but I’d never pay it
off. I was like a man possessed, I never gave that any thought.
Just before dinner, I was standing in Miss Gilbert Lea’s parlor
the way it was furnished in 1963. The start of the second phase of her
life.
The first phase of her life was over… high-pressure wining and
dining media moguls with her demanding husband.
Now it was time for the second phase of her life, -a coastal
rural retreat to beautiful Maine. Visiting the sick in the hospital in the
morning and playing a round of golf at the Portland country club in the
afternoon.
My trip became a whirlwind.
I snuck onto the Portland country club 10th Tee and played the
back nine.
I talked my way onto the private Cushing Island ferry. I
didn’t let up but the chilly Portland night air didn’t either.
And that’s when I got a terrible cold. Must have been from that
plunge in Casco Bay plus all my rushing on my endeavors to see the area.
The doctor told me I could not travel back to Chicago. He
authorized another few nights for me in the hospital. He said if I leave the
hospital, I will get pneumonia.
That night was long.
I began to have visions.
I saw angels appear in the room.
I was unable to cough but I needed to…
When the nurse left me at midnight I realized I’d been given an
injection.
On my wrist were three letters that said in red ….DNR
Do not resuscitate
Finally at Dawn, Phyllis Thaxter herself appeared in the room.
She looked circa 1957, just as she did on Brian’s TV screen in a Alfred
Hitchcock episode. (Phyllis appeared in 9 Alfred Hitchcock episodes. All were
well after her bout with polio which Hollywood said would alter her appearance,
it did not.)
She said: “Fear
not Brian”
And I worriedly thought…”how much is this room gonna cost me?”
and Phyllis smiled and calmed me , just as she’d done countless
times to countless strangers in her life.
she said “I’m
here to welcome you home!”
“To Chicago ?” I asked
Phyllis only smiled reassuringly.
“I can’t pay for all this” I blurted restlessly …
“I’m hooked up to 12 different machines…”
And that’s when Phyllis said “don’t worry, Brian it’s time for you to cross over take
my hand…”
And with that I was no longer gazing at the ceiling tiles, I was
looking down now, I could see myself below lying on the bed… “seeing” myself
laying there as if from a vantage point above…as if from the top of the room as
if my soul was floating and looking down.
Phyllis sat bedside and I could see she was holding my
hand.
She knew all about me since the night I saw her in my living
room on my flat screen color television a month earlier. She knew and she
wanted to help me get to her on the other side.
VI
I awoke, not on the other side, but in a hospital room
nonetheless.
I looked around for Phyllis or signs of her. I refused to call
her visit anything but real. It was not the same hospital room, not even
similar except I was hooked up to several machines. I was famished.
A nurse finally entered the room and looked shocked to see my
eyes open. She almost dropped a tray she held, placed it on the table by me and
ran to check my vital signs. She made sure I was breathing normally by checking
my airway. She placed a small clip on my finger to check the oxygen levels in
my blood.
It read 98.
“Well,” she said “your doing much better Brian…” It was the same
way I thought I heard Phyllis sound the last time I was conscious.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“You’re at Stroger Hospital of Cook County in Illinois,” she
replied.
“We’re known for our Level 1 trauma services. You are in
intensive care. You had quite the night.”
“Excuse me, I last recall being in Maine, the Maine Medical
Center in Portland, where Phyllis Thaxter was treated for polio, where she
volunteered…”
“You were flown back here two weeks ago, we almost thought you
weren’t going to make it…”
“Oh dear…” Brian said.
“Don’t you worry about a thing,” the nurse jumped in. “You just
try and sit up and I’ll bring you some hot soup…”
“It’s when you are On the edge of death, like I was in the
jungle Iraq…that’s when you are treated so humanely,” Brian thought. He wanted
to turn on his side but his body was stiff from laying on his back for so long.
As he waited for the nurse to bring what he was sure would be
delicious hot soup (any soup would be so welcome) his mind went back to seeing
Phyllis Thaxter in Portland. She came to him as the 1956 or 57 version of
Phyllis. Her visage as it appeared that night, came to him crystal clearly in
Chicago. She looked just as she did in the late 1950 after strenuous physical
rehab for her attack of polio allowed her to make a near glorious return to the
small screen.
“She didn’t ignore me in Portland, if that was her and it was,”
Brian thought. “I may as well have grown up at 316 Danfourth as her
next door neighbor, same age. She’d have left tom-boying in the street about 1935 to go to school in theatrical
school in Montreal and I would have said, “good luck Philly, you belong in a
place like that, where they will make you a stage star…” and she’d have laughed
and smiled and said she’ll write.
But I wasn’t born in 1920, I was born 45 years later and I
served my country and I know Phyllis supports all veterans. Maybe…”
Just then my nurse brought me hot cream of mushroom soup. I
gulped it down and fell into a light sleep.
When I woke, I lay still and thought. My life flashed before my
eyes but not in a throes of death kind of way.
I reassessed my life. Yes I could say I wasn’t much different than
Phyllis Thaxter’s two Princeton University alums. I played basketball for
Marquette University. I worked in Public Television for as long as her first
husband worked for CBS and ABC. I published a book about the Great Plains
that second husband might have published. I showed some of the trappings of
accomplishment. Accomplishment mattered to Phyllis! She must have found it an
attractive quality in her men. Her husbands were known for athleticism and
accomplishment!
But What would Phylllis see in me?
The soup must not have gone into my stomach but my lungs. I
didn’t know it but I was slipping into a pneumatic coma.
That’s when the Cook County hospital room began to turn and
spin. Again Phyllis appeared! This time as she looked in 1962 or 64, when she
appeared in the TV show, the Fugitive. When her roles demanded she play a more
matronly figure.
She smiled reassuringly at me from above.
“Brian,”
she said softly with her royal Portland aristocratic accent.
“You don’t
need to impress me.” She giggled somewhat. “I know you played basketball in college and you
served in the armed forces like my first husband, and I know you would want to
have followed in their footsteps and married me.” She laughed again.
“I was last
available in human form in 1943 when I was in my early 20’s. A long long time
ago. I dated many men, from billionaires to Montgomery Clift. And I would have
dated you if you were my next door neighbor and we somehow reconnected.
Your
service in the army might have landed you in California. I might have seen you
helping at the USO. Who knows? We would have had more in common than being
playmates as young kids on Danfourth Street in Portland.After all you did have
a career in Public TV and I love that medium. I was in a PBS production called
3 Sovereigns for Sarah.”
Brian was unable to speak or alert the nurse who was called
away.
He didn’t even notice his pneumonia symptoms. Phyllis Thaxter
was next to his bedside telling him she would have married him if he met her in
Beverly Hills in 1942 instead of James Aubrey Jr.
No, Brian thought…this is a dream… I was never going to be like
them, like her husbands. My accomplishment would always be and always was, at
the expense of shame, dishonor and humiliation.
“Brian,”
Phyllis whispered. “I know
all about you. I’m not earth bound Phyllis, I’m eternal…The things you call
shame were based on one second decisions anyone might make. The chance to make
someone laugh at an off color joke, you were too young to decide what to do.
Having a drink to forget Iraq and driving…nothing bad came of it except that
you were so hard on yourself. Brian…” Phyllis said looking EXACTLY like
Enid Langer in the Fugitive… “I forgive you…now it is your time to cross over and I
will help you.”
“I’m not afraid Brian said, “I’m not afraid.”
Looking forward and smiling, Phyllis took Brian’s hand and he
felt his soul leave his body. It was not a hard thing to experience at all. It
was nothing Phyllis hadn’t experienced in 2012.
“I’m not afraid…”
The End
St Phyllis of Portland Radio Play
By Michael McKenna
Narrator: If Phyllis Thaxter weren't on METV
every other night, you'd never hear the tale I'm about to tell. Ironically, she
insisted on calling herself the plainest heroine in Hollywood.
I was watching Perry Mason from my couch and
fell asleep. No wonder, those scripts can be dull. It went off the air at
11:30pm. When I awoke, my eyesight was blurry and the tv screen was more or
less a glare. Through these conditions Phyllis Thaxter appeared on my tv set, in
an Alfred Hitchcock episode, I took notice of the halo I seemed to see around
her.
In the morning I went online to learn about
her. Born in Portland, Maine to a town that would look like any in the upper Midwest if they possessed a fleet of lobster boats on an icy blue harbor.
This fact lent itself to her speech. She
couldn’t betray it on TV. To a Midwestern ear, her diction was perfectly
annunciated, unlike those old lobster fishermen she must have understood
perfectly. Her voice was made, not adapted for Broadway and Hollywood, She did
not need to raise her voice to be heard.
My tale tonight may seem outrageous, sound
outlandish and all around strange, but such is modern life. Do fish that ply
the chilly waters off the coast of Portland think the water is strange?
My name is Brian, I’m 61 in 2026, a retired
clerk from the City Colleges. Unlike many City College employees, I worked for
a Public TV Station licensed there.
It was a good job, I fell under the radar of
avoided alot of otherwise prying middle management who would have liked nothing
better then to observe me and discuss me in their weekly meetings.
The next morning I easily discovered the Phyllis Thaxter Museum* online
rather easily. The museum is Headquartered in the cottage on
Cushing Island where Phyllis spent many a summer from 1962 to the late 1990’s.
I dialed the 1-800 number I found and a
recorded voice answered.
"Hello this is Phyllis, thank you so much
for calling," she said.
The Cushing Island “cabin” is actually closer
to a two story mansion. The physical cottage on Cushing was the one property
between Beverly Hills, Cumberland and Vero Beach that Sky Aubrey (her daughter)
could not merely sell and dissolve upon her mom's passing in 2012.
It held too many memories, between the
structure itself, the beach and the well-maintained forested trails, Cushing
was too close to the real loves Phyllis knew on earth.
Cushing Island was where she retreated to when
she needed a break from all the kindness and politeness she offered an
indifferent mean world.
"This is Phyllis, may I help you?"
The voice repeated when I didn’t say anything.
That voice sounded just like Phyllis Thaxter
would have sounded in the late 1940's, a mixture of poise, proper Broadway and
all the charm of a Hollywood star on the rise.
"Hello?" the voice repeated upon not
hearing an answer. I got over my surprise and disbelief at modern
technology.
"Oh hello," I blurted out. Phyllis
instinctively sought to reassure this caller as the real Phyllis Thaxter would
have. Her nature was to return fear with kindness and show true Christian
empathy.
"Well, so nice of you to call, you've
reached the Phyllis Thaxter Museum on Cushing Island. This cottage was built in
1884. It's been an absolute favorite haunt of mine since then when I can
remember!
The beach is closeby but in case you're here
to learn more about my life, there is a museum on the first floor and tours are
conducted on the hour every hour. The entrance fee is $9.00 for adults and free
for children under 7. There is a restaurant, Granny's, next door as there has
been since 1935. They still serve the best chowder I ever had!"
I slouched back in my seat in Chicago, a
thousand miles from Cushing Island but the impossible to dismiss “invitation”
had been made. I called a travel agent at once.
II
Things changed dramatically for me after the
first phone call with Phyllis’ automated voice.
This is not a play about AI. At first it was
not what Phyllis said but how she spoke, addressing me by name after I told
“her” who I was.
Her instructions, what she said, only directed
me to buy cheap ferry rides and cheap tickets to get into her museum, the
amazing phenomenon was HOW her voice sounded, so real so true to her New
England accent and rich from years learning the full inventory of theater
skills in nearby Montreal.
This is a play about THAT VOICE that sounded
almost exactly as I heard on the Alfred Hitchcock hour the night before, then
Wagon Train where Phyllis nearly brought me to tears as Vivian Carter.
Then the Fugitive where her role seemed so
effortless to play.
I should update the reader about the months
before I first called the Thaxter museum.
I had a separate bank account and for weeks
and months I’d been putting $100 here $200 there “into a jar” to buy a Crown
for a sore tooth
(my insurance wouldn’t cover it) and that’s
when I saw a signed photo of Phyllis available online at the online museum shop
for just $499.00.
I had to have it
3 weeks later the package arrived.
I had a special frame for it by then. The day
it arrived my tooth ache went away .
I knew what it was at once, shipped from
Tijuana Mexico with a Hollywood photographer’s return address.
I called the Museum at once.
“Brian,” Phyllis’ said, “I’m so glad you
called! this is Phyllis”
I began to ask less standard questions now.
Not just when were the bookstore hours but for
example,
“Why did you turn your back on Hollywood and
return to humble Maine?”
“It was a mysterious move Brian wasn’t it …but
then we’re all rather mysterious aren’t we?” Phyllis’ voice replied.
I guess I had a dozen or so more questions for
Phyllis. She took her time answering each one. It frightened me when I realized
I forgot I was talking to AI, for so patient was she answering me and she
answered them all like a real person, like the real Phyllis Thaxter.
When I asked if she’d have been as big a star
as Ingrid Bergman if Polio did not strike in 1952 she laughed the same laugh I
heard in Wagon Train and said, “Brian, you know as much about me as my second
husband whom I loved so…”
My second husband Gil was much more
comfortable on the East Coast and by 1962 I was rarely in Hollywood. We fell in
love at first…oh but Brian you don’t want to know all this do you?” Phyllis
said mirthfully, as if to shield my feelings. She had to know I had fallen in
love with her by this point.
“As for Ingrid Bergman, she…” and Phyllis
realized she would be guilty of gossip and stopped herself, I only had two men
in my life….well maybe 3…”
“Three?” I said with a lump in my throat
dispensing all my disbelief.
“More than most”, I said “I’m familiar with
the agony of not being loved back by one I love.”
“Today,” Phyllis said into my ear …” all that
is changed Brian” Phyllis said.
“You take such an interest in me, and I’m much
older than you,” Phyllis said.
“Not that much older, just 45 years…”
Phyllis burst into a laugh. “Well its getting
late Brian, I need my beauty sleep still…I better be…”
“Ok,” I said with sheer joy, “I’ll call you
again.”
“I hope you do…” Phyllis said.
We hung up.
The travel agent in Chicago confirmed me
at $4,999 for airfare, rental and lodging in Portland from June __ to June __
and all tickets to the Phyllis St Felix Thaxter museum in Cumberland and
Cushing Island plus tickets to the Phyllis Schuyler Thaxter theater in South
Portland.
With the earpiece still warm in my ear, I gave
the agent the details of my credit card.
In just two days I’d be in Portland
Maine.
Meanwhile, tonight I’m confined by the charms
of a woman named Phyllis Thaxter or by AI?
A woman otherwise long passed on to a better
world these last 14 years? Or modern technology?
In three days I owed the “minimum” on my
credit card, 3,019 dollars, but for 40 dollars the illusion continues.
I refused to think about that…
III
After an uneventful flight from O’Hare
to LaGuardia, and then a turbo pop up to Portland I arrived at the Portland
airport “international” because there were some flights to Quebec a few hours
away.
After settling into my hotel room, I realized
I had a few hours of daylight left and I thought I’d explore the town that
produced Phyllis Saint Felix Thaxter
As a journalist by trade, I thought I
would conduct an informal survey and see if I could find Portlanders who heard
of Phyllis or potentially even knew her.
So I went to the environment where she
grew up, 319 Danforth in the still fashionable West End of Portland all these
100 years later.
There are no parks in the modern for its time
street grid by Danforth street but it’s not far from the beach and on this hot
sunny day that’s where many people were.
In fact there was a wheelchair access so
people of all ages could gather there and amidst the sound (FX here) of
seagulls and the waves I met some native Portlanders and canvassed the crowd
with my questions about their most famous resident.
Many had never heard of her because she
passed away in 2012 in Florida and had not been to Portland since the late
1990s but a group of older people on an excursion from the nursing home had.
To a person they all vouched for Phyllis’s
character and how practical, realistic, unpretentious, and easy to relate to
she was in real life.
“Not just for a Hollywood starlet” they were
quick to posit. “She herself always said in Hollywood she may as well never
worn makeup- that’s how plain she felt there…”
One woman who was in her 90s and knew Phyllis
in person told me if Phyllis knew I was out here conducting the survey she
would turn red. She was that unaware of her charm.
“Oh here in Portland she could even be
glamorous among us pale lobster eaters, but she always said she should have
only done one picture in Hollywood and returned to her beloved Maine.”
I went back to my hotel room that night and
had dinner and left my windows wide open to hear the ocean and let my room fill
with fresh Atlantic air right off the beach.
I fell into a deep sleep, the first good sleep
I had since I woke up to see Phyllis on my television screen back in Chicago in
the Alfred Hitchcock hour. Tomorrow I would stand at the doorway of the home.
She grew up in a colonial revival mansion at 319 Danforth and for just nine
dollars be allowed to go inside to see for myself the first world she knew..
for a $14 ferry ride and another nine dollars … I’d try and also visit the
Cushing Island home where I would see the very structure where she spent every summer
from 1962 to 1999.
IV
My second full day in Sunny Portland, Maine, I
decided to walk by Phyllis’s childhood home on Danforth Street and then it got
me to wondering where did she go to grammar school? Of course AI knew the
answer and before I knew it I was striding up Danforth and made a right on
Emery street on my way to Butler school 7 minutes away.
It’s an apartment complex today. Opened
as a school in 1879 It closed in 1973.. The walk was beautiful passing by
elegant and modest old homes on very leafy tree lined streets. It was easy to
imagine Phyllis making the same walk to fourth fifth or sixth grade in the
1920s. The school itself was old 19th century structure which is currently used
for apartments that rent at 2300 a month.
As I walked up Emery Street, towards
Pine
I saw an uneven sidewalk, I imagined 10 year
old Phyllis falling down here and skinning her knee under her long skirt .
without a frown, picking herself up and her books and continuing on her
way.
She could’ve said “my mom‘s a big shot on
stage in Montreal my dad‘s the judge for the whole state of Maine” and
demanded a limo take her to school from that point on but that’s not who
Phyllis Thaxter would ever be! She was someone who overcomes who rises above,
who is stoic, and without complaint, and that was the tone for the rest of her
life.
Now I knew what I had to do, even though it
was June and Casco bay would be icy cold I knew I had to swim out in the
direction of Cushing Island. I once swam in Lake Superior, I’d be ok.
Find a lake they said find an inland stream do
not plunge into the ocean. It’s the same temperature as it was in March and I
said “sorry I have to do this. And sarcastically I thought
“I hope I don’t end up in Maine general
Hospital in the West End like Phyllis did (but really I wanted to experience
anything she went through)….and they said “no no no don’t do it.”
V
I went back to my hotel and I got my swim
trunks and I headed for the beach
Casco Bay was colder than they even warned me
of.
All my blood rushed to the core of my body to
keep me warm. If I stayed in another few minutes, hypothermia would set in.
I heard Phyllis’s voice as I
took one last plunge. She said “Brian, I want you to get out of that water. I
don’t want anything bad to happen to you” I realized then and there, it was
dangerous to be by myself, and I clambered out of the water and back onto the
beach. Phyllis saved my life.
An hour later, I was handing my credit card to
the clerk at the Phyllis Thaxter museum. I had t-shirts, coffee mugs,
yearbooks, photo albums, Broadway playbills, Hollywood posters, Rawhide beer
mugs, a twilight zone board game, you name it …the total on my card was so
worth it but I’d never pay it off. I was like a man possessed, I never gave
that any thought.
Just before dinner, I was standing in Miss
Gilbert Lea’s parlor the way it was furnished in 1963. The start of the second
phase of her life.
The first phase of her life was over…
high-pressure wining and dining media moguls with her demanding husband.
Now it was time for the second phase of her
life, -a coastal rural retreat to beautiful Maine. Visiting the sick in the
hospital in the morning and playing a round of golf at the Portland country
club in the afternoon.
My trip became a whirlwind.
I snuck onto the Portland country club 10th Tee
and played the back nine.
I talked my way onto the private Cushing
Island ferry. I didn’t let up but the chilly Portland night air didn’t
either.
And that’s when I got a terrible cold. Must
have been from that plunge in Casco Bay plus all my rushing on my endeavors to
see the area.
The doctor told me I could not travel back to
Chicago. He authorized another few nights for me in the hospital. He said if I
leave the hospital, I will get pneumonia.
That night was long.
I began to have visions.
I saw angels appear in the room.
I was unable to cough but I needed to…
When the nurse left me at midnight I realized
I’d been given an injection.
On my wrist were three letters that said in
red ….DNR
Do not resuscitate
Finally at Dawn, Phyllis Thaxter herself
appeared in the room. She looked circa 1957, just as she did on Brian’s TV
screen in a Alfred Hitchcock episode. (Phyllis appeared in 9 Alfred Hitchcock
episodes. All were well after her bout with polio which Hollywood said would
alter her appearance, it did not.)
She said: “Fear not Brian”
And I worriedly thought…”how much is this room
gonna cost me?”
and Phyllis smiled and calmed me , just as
she’d done countless times to countless strangers in her life.
she said “this visit is complementary. I’m
here to welcome you home!”
“To Chicago ?” I asked
Phyllis only smiled reassuringly.
“I can’t pay for all this” I blurted
restlessly … “I’m hooked up to 12 different machines…”
And that’s when Phyllis said “don’t worry,
Brian it’s time for you to cross over take my hand…”
And with that I was no longer gazing at the
ceiling tiles, I was looking down now, I could see myself below lying on the
bed… “seeing” myself laying there as if from a vantage point above…as if from
the top of the room as if my soul was floating and looking down.
Phyllis sat bedside and I could see she was
holding my hand.
She knew all about me since the night I saw
her in my living room on my flat screen color television a month earlier. She
knew and she wanted to help me get to her on the other side.
VI
I awoke, not on the other side, but in a
hospital room nonetheless.
I looked around for Phyllis or signs of her. I
refused to call her visit anything but real. It was not the same hospital room,
not even similar except I was hooked up to several machines. I was famished.
A nurse finally entered the room and looked
shocked to see my eyes open. She almost dropped a tray she held, placed it on
the table by me and ran to check my vital signs. She made sure I was breathing
normally by checking my airway. She placed a small clip on my finger to check
the oxygen levels in my blood.
It read 98.
“Well,” she said “your doing much better
Brian…” It was the same way I thought I heard Phyllis sound the last time I was
conscious.
“Where am I?” I asked.
“You’re at Stroger Hospital of Cook County in
Illinois,” she replied.
“We’re known for our Level 1 trauma services.
You are in intensive care. You had quite the night.”
“Excuse me, I last recall being in Maine, the
Maine Medical Center in Portland, where Phyllis Thaxter was treated for polio,
where she volunteered…”
“You were flown back here two weeks ago, we
almost thought you weren’t going to make it…”
“Oh dear…” Brian said.
“Don’t you worry about a thing,” the nurse
jumped in. “You just try and sit up and I’ll bring you some hot soup…”
“It’s when you are On the edge of death, like
I was in the jungle Iraq…that’s when you are treated so humanely,” Brian
thought. He wanted to turn on his side but his body was stiff from laying on
his back for so long.
As he waited for the nurse to bring what he
was sure would be delicious hot soup (any soup would be so welcome) his mind
went back to seeing Phyllis Thaxter in Portland. She came to him as the 1956 or
57 version of Phyllis. Her visage as it appeared that night, came to him
crystal clearly in Chicago. She looked just as she did in the late 1950 after
strenuous physical rehab for her attack of polio allowed her to make a near
glorious return to the small screen.
“She didn’t ignore me in Portland, if that was
her and it was,” Brian thought. “I may as well have grown up at 316 Danfourth as
her next door neighbor, same age. She’d have left tom boying in the street
about 1935 to go to school in theatrical school in Montreal and I would have
said, “good luck Philly, you belong in a place like that, where they will make
you a stage star…” and she’d have laughed and smiled and said she’ll write.
But I wasn’t born in 1920, I was born 45 years
later and I served my country and I know Phyllis supports all veterans. Maybe…”
Just then my nurse brought me hot cream of
mushroom soup. I gulped it down and fell into a light sleep.
When I woke, I lay still and thought. My life
flashed before my eyes but not in a throes of death kind of way.
I reassessed my life. Yes I could say I wasn’t
much different than Phyllis Thaxter’s two Princeton University alums. I played
basketball for Marquette University. I worked in Public Television for as long
as her first husband worked for CBS and ABC. I
published a book about the Great Plains that second husband might have
published. I showed some of the trappings of accomplishment. Accomplishment
mattered to Phyllis! She must have found it an attractive quality in her men.
Her husbands were known for athleticism and accomplishment!
But What would Phylllis see in me?
The soup must not have gone into my stomach
but my lungs. I didn’t know it but I was slipping into a pneumatic coma.
That’s when the Cook County hospital room
began to turn and spin. Again Phyllis appeared! This time as she looked in 1962
or 64, when she appeared in the TV show, the Fugitive. When her roles demanded
she play a more matronly figure.
She smiled reassuringly at me from above.
“Brian,” she said softly with her royal
Portland aristocratic accent.
“You don’t need to impress me.” She giggled
somewhat. “I know you played basketball in college and you served in the armed
forces like my first husband, and I know you would want to have followed in
their footsteps and married me.” She laughed again.
“I was last available in human form in 1943
when I was in my early 20’s. A long long time ago. I dated many men, from
billionaires to Monty Clift to shopkeepers. And I would have dated you if you
were my next door neighbor and we somehow reconnected.
Your
service in the army might have landed you in California. I might have seen you
helping at the USO. Who knows? We would have had more in common than being
playmates as young kids on Danfourth Street in Portland. You did have a career
in Public TV and I love that medium. I was in a PBS production called 3
Sovereigns for Sarah.”
Brian was unable to speak or alert the nurse
who was called away.
He didn’t even notice his pneumonia symptoms.
Phyllis Thaxter was next to his bedside telling him she would have married him
if he met her in Beverly Hills in 1942 instead of James Aubrey Jr.
No, Brian thought…this is a dream… I was never
going to be like them, like her husbands. My accomplishment would always be and
always was, at the expense of shame, dishonor and humiliation.
“Brian,” Phyllis whispered. “I know all about
you. I’m not earth bound Phyllis, I’m eternal…The things you call shame were
based on one second decisions anyone might make. The chance to make someone
laugh at an off color joke, you were too young to decide what to do. Having a
drink to forget Iraq and driving…nothing bad came of it except that you were so
hard on yourself. Brian…” Phyllis said looking EXACTLY like Enid Langer in the
Fugitive… “I forgive you…now it is your
time to cross over and I will help you.”
“I’m not afraid Brian said, “I’m not afraid.”
Looking forward and smiling, Phyllis took
Brian’s hand and he felt his soul leave his body. It was not a hard thing to
experience at all. It was nothing Phyllis hadn’t experienced in 2012.
“I’m not afraid…”
The End
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